Dalia / Dals

any pronouns · she/her preferred

My silly little site to explain a bit about myself and share where I can be found online.

Honkai: Star Rail: 614131495
D4DJ: hmDqj1mW
Arknights: 53357236
World Dai Star: 5869148725
Project Sekai: 445733022138966020
Revue Starlight: 4836564224
Fairy Tail: Fierce Fight (S022): Laki
Eternal Return: CureDalia
Reverse: 1999: 400888536
Fate/Grand Order: 953,280,331

Genshin Impact: 652028044
BanG Dream: 16488573
Snowbreak: 11678713
Idoly Pride: E2KNXFFX
Life Makeover: 712266281
Elder Scrolls Online: CureDalia
Paladins: CureDalia
Overwatch 2: MultiNanairo#1869
Smite: Fraeduu

Gender Identity

My birth gender is male, and I don't necessarily reject that in the real world. But at the same time, I struggle to fully accept it. I do feel that something is missing, and in practice I'm gender fluid. My feelings on gender are more complicated and personal than I'm going to get into here. Though when it comes to others in the real world, I can largely be considered aroace (aromantic and asexual) with few exceptions. I suggest reviewing the page on my parasociality for additional information about some of this.Though given my masculine appearance in the real world, I don't necessarily feel the need to reject that given my gender fluidity. Instead, I find a lot of peace in people about to use the potential of the internet to form my identity much more freely. When I'm online, I can exist outside of the confines of physical appearance — only being bound by my voice. But it allows for me to explore this side of me a lot more, which inevitably is my preferred identity. I do prefer she/her pronouns and to be seen as such.There's just a little mental divide that I struggle to get over when it comes to the real world given my masc presentation that I don't necessarily fully reject or feel dsymorphia about (although sometimes I do to a certain extent with my upper half). As a result of that divide, though, and how many years I've been known otherwise, it feels a little unnatural in my mind hearing long-term friends that I know in the real world recognize me using those preferred pronouns. That's something I'll probably have to get over, but is worth sharing to convey a bit of the complexities as to where I'm at in terms of my identity right now.I'm just able to attest that I don't feel a motivation to go through HRT, to transition, etc. It's a preference of how I want to be seen, how I want to be recognize/referred to, and what I want to embody to whatever extent I can. I've done vtubing on and off, and have recognize the potential of it as a medium to be able to portray myself in a way that more accurately reflects my preferences and my gender identity. These are things that I feel pretty open about and really appreciate the chances that the freedom of the internet gives me to take on such a role.

My Parasocial Philosophy

I don't feel traditional attraction towards real-world people, and don't find the same value in real world relationships as most do. For me, relationships in reality are still valuable — they are a form of life companionship that you know will be a constant in your life. But I do not view those as being any different from close friendships and connections with others around me in a less intimate capacity.This is not to say that I haven't had my share of relationships and spoken with people in this way. But rather when I'm engaged in those things, I oftentimes find myself overcompensating for a certain lack of investment compared to what I may feel for some fictional characters.I don't fear "betrayal" from real world relationships, and am not concerned about 'heartbreak' or anything. In practice, I just find myself greatly valuing fictional characters as an outlet for any romantic or intimate feelings I may have. I don't find it to be 'settling' for fictional characters; instead it's my active preference. I find that I feel happiest whenever I'm able to still have life-long companions in the real world (most commonly in the form of very close friends) but am also able to maintain my connection with these characters.To that end, what's important to me is that those close friends that I seek this companionship with are able to be accomodating for me. There's a lot of value in being able to have this sort of philosophy I work under be respected (or at least tolerated). In the most simple way possible... what I seek is for the people I'm close to and connected with to treat these characters the way they would any real-world relationship or couple. To not say things they wouldn't say about a friend's real partner, to not do things they wouldn't do surrounding a friend's partner, etc. In my life they fulfill that role. Although I may have many more than one or two characters that I refer to as my wives (my preference being women), I want to be able to feel secure in that above all else. What I want is to be able to feel like they're respected by those close to me in a similar way to what one could find in real world relationships.Seeking out/doing innapropriate content/thing surrounding them, fawning over them (as opposed to just appreciation of characters), etc. would all be wildly uncomfortable to me for a friend to be doing, especially given how important this aspect of my life is to me. It's something that I place a lot of trust in my close friends to avoid and to afford me the peace of mind of knowing won't happen. It would be as if someone was being intimate in their own time with their friend's wife or husband in mind, and is highly innapropriate. Towards that end, things like comments about their bodies, possessiveness, or sexual advances of any kind are also extremely uncomfy. The understanding that these characters can be treated as my actual partners; since that's what they are for me. If this accomodation isn't something that someone is willing to offer me, although understandable, I don't see a spot for that person in my life as one of those close companions.

Dalia Matsuyama

I've adopted Dalia's namesake in light of my gender confusion, oftentimes abbreviating it to 'Dals' — I admire her femininity so much, and she largely represents an ideal for me not only in terms of my partner, but also in who I want to be, represent, and be seen as in my own life.

Yuno Kashiki

Yuno is a difficult character for me to condense the prevalence of in my life down to a few short sentences. Though I find her very empowering as a female figure, and personally identify greatly with some of her approach to socialization and people. I have had issues with trying to keep up with people in the past in similar ways.

El_Clear

El_Clear is a character I find myself able to turn to whenever I need to be cheered up. Not necesarily comforted or consoled, but specifically to chipper up and see a bit more brightness in my life. Between her, her music, and her associated games, she's become a really important staple in my life.

Kirara

Kirara is my greatest comfort. She is the character and wife that I turn to when most in need of comfort, and I feel at home whenever I am doing anything surrounding her. The role she plays in my life is one of warmth that I constantly seek out and thrive off of. A very pure and precious type of comfort that I can only find in her.

Ling Qiao

Ling Qiao is especially important to me for a variety of reasons difficult to summarize in a brief bit of text. Though maybe most prominently, I see a lot of myself in her on my feminine side. She's a bit more grounded and keeps me tethered in that way, especially as I often refer to myself as being very down to earth.

Serie

Serie, being the only character in this top list that isn't one that I've been around for years, is a bit of an exception. Though barring my fascination with her as a character, Serie is also a reflection of myself in ways that I can't get into in a few limited lines. It's a very complicated association that I have with her which I find difficult to put to writing without a lot of justifications and analysis not just of her but also myself.

Makoto Kowata

Makoto has been a comfort character for me for years alongside her source series, Flying Witch. Although releases for the manga are infrequent, each brings me a lot of joy. Much of that comes from being able to see more of Makoto and her antics which serve to sort of fill a certain sense of whimsy that I personally lack and can't fulfill on my own.